I saw a comedy sketch a while ago, where the Comedienne in question (Michelle Wolf) was drawing a parallel between modern motherhood…and an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Its basis, was that ‘having it all’ rarely has positive outcomes for feel-good, whether it’s adopted in a food or a lifestyle capacity.
By couching this hard reality…in hilarity, Michelle made me think long and hard about how and why it is, exactly, that the ‘octopus mum’ (the epitome of ‘having it all’) was ever pushed onto society as a good idea.
Why is that having all the plates of motherhood, work, home and social life spinning in perfectly synchronicity, whilst looking stylish doing it, has evolved into such an aspirational benchmark?
The more I read up on this topic, the more it’s glaringly obvious that the mainstreaming of motherhood’s greatest myth, has not been without consequence.
Apparently, as a side effect, women are getting angrier.
Angrier, and probably more resentful, as they contend with the bitter aftertaste of having too many fingers, in too many pies!
This is a topic that is covered a lot in the book Matresense, and I learned from here not just how complex the roots of the problem are, but also how many financial and logistical obstacles there are to making this issue not so, for the majority of women.
Even those who decide that actually, they DON’T ‘want it all’ after all.
For these women who, for example, decide they DO want to exercise balance and moderation at the buffet of life (by being a stay-at-home-Mum, for example), the path is fraught with difficulties… if not impossibilities!
This is a brief insight into the maelstrom of modern day motherhood, and its through this lens, that the anger epidemic seems somewhat understandable.
Of course, it’s important to consider that the anger us women find ourselves grappling with might not be entirely circumstantial.
It might also be a symptom of the evolved emotional landscape, where expressing the full spectrum of emotions (anger included!), is gaining increased social acceptance.
We’re thankfully moving away from the era where anger in men is a hallmark of power, yet in women is seen as hysteria and a lack of control.
It’s hard to tell, however, which of the aforementioned ‘myths’ is more farcical:
The idea that women can ‘have it all’ …or the one that says they are immune to the rage that inevitably descends, when this transpires to be false.
Each ‘lie’ is a unique form of head-f*c* - the true impact of which I’m only just starting to appreciate and understand.
A large part of the problem, from where I stand, is that ‘having it all’ isn’t necessarily something we choose, but rather a condition we’re strong-armed into out of necessity.
We need to work.
We need to parent.
And all without the ‘village’ that made this possible, historically.
This makes me angry, and then I get angry at myself for getting angry, because it goes against the ‘emotional framework of femininity.’ A framework that should, quite legitimately, make us angry.
Maybe… just maybe, it’s this plethora of rage-like emotions, that ‘they’ (the media and Politicians) were referring to when they told me that I could ‘have it all,’ after having a baby?
All the emotions.
All the frustrations.
All the senses of injustice.
If this is the case, then perhaps they weren’t so wrong, after all.
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