I’ve gotta say, I’ve always fancied myself as a bit of a mindreader.
Not in a genuine I-think-I-might-be-psychic way, but rather in a delusional, jumping-to-conclusions way…as evidenced by a few choice moments which have occurred in the last few months.
One of these events, unfolded in the unlikely, unassuming setting of a Pret coffee shop.
I was just casually buying a flat white, as you do, and flexing my new-found student discount entitlement… as you don’t, when you’re 41!
The Barista was reading back my order whilst tap-tapping on the till, and it was then that I ventured to drop the 10%-off bomb!
She stopped. Looked up. A perplexed expression on her face!
‘I know. I said. I’m a bit of an old student!
Instantly, her face softened. The brow unfurrowed and she interjected, quite emphatically and with a passion that only the Italian accent can pull off….
‘Don’t ever say that!’
She continued to regail me with a tale of her own ‘late’ foray into higher education (even though she was decidedly still younger than me) and a more-than-persuasive argument as to why my narrative was all wrong!
When we left the coffee shop, my son was quick to query ‘why was that lady telling you off?!
The number of ‘but whys’ in the conversation that followed is a testament to how hard it is to explain the importance of tone in language to children!
It’s the difference between ‘don’t say that!’… and ‘don’t say that!’
The moral of the story?
Well, it’s four pronged!
Firstly, the face-saving, embarrassment-mitigating defence mechanism of assuming - and then articulating - what another person is thinking is not just flawed… it’s potentially harmful.
After all, there is often a mismatch between what we think someone is thinking, and what is actually going through their mind.
The second moral…is that an understanding of the many textures of tone, from which different meanings can emerge, is invaluable as a communication tool.
The third? Never underestimate a Barista, or assume that coffee-making skills and intellectual depth are mutually exclusive.
Lastly, as this very astute lady pointed out - age is no barrier to pursuing a goal.
Mindful of this, I should probably squash the entrenched belief that university (or study in general) is the reserve of the ‘young’, and indeed that ‘young’ is something best measured in years.
The actress Halle Berry mirrored this sentiment in an interview I stumbled across recently (linked here), where she talked of feeling (at 58) as though she was ‘just getting started.’
The statement resonated, and so I’ve made a pact with myself, to stop couching my student status in embarrassment or over-explanation, and instead, to start flexing that discount card with unapologetic abandon!
'Just hand it over.'
I tell myself.
'Say nothing.'
When the urge to explain and justify bubbles up, just….'Zip It!'
'Zzzzzzzip it!!' as Dr Evil would say!
Or, on second thoughts, maybe, just maybe, it is I who is too….
Too prone to finding crossovers between unrelated topics, like movie villains, and mid-life motivation.
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